I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Randomize
