after a month anything with tits is on the radar
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize
