My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
I think my vagina is haunted
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
pray to the hookup gods
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Randomize
