We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
