i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
My vagina just recognized that song.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
