Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Randomize
