just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Randomize
