I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
