if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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