and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
I fill condoms, not promises.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Randomize
