If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
