my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Randomize
