When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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