so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
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