just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize
