the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
My ass is underappreciated
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
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