herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
