I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
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