It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
