my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Randomize
