my phone cant type all the emotion im having
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
