so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Randomize
