What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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