I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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