ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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