I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
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