how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
