I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Randomize
