You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
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