It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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