i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
Randomize
