I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Randomize
