just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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