No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
