I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Randomize
