I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
