how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
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