We won't sleep together?
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
