I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
