the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
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