girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
