I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
