Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Randomize
