Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
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