I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
