Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Randomize
