His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
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