why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
I think I just sharted jello shots
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