And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Randomize
