We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Randomize
