It's like a parade of train wrecks.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
